iPhone Mishaps

So I was charging my iPod with my iPhone charger today - it works great - no problemo - then I decided to switch back to charging my phone... which is its actual purpose. I plug it in and get a hilarious notification: 'Charging is not supported on this device' - WHAT??? It's for that device!!! I would get it if it the charger was connected to the computer or something, but it's just a wire! Why did my iPhone seem to know that I'd charged my iPod? Hilarious... sometimes tech stuff just makes me laugh. It worked as soon as I unplugged it and tried it again, but still. Silly charger.

Cashier Tales: Baskets

So... being on baskets at the Nofreehomeless store can be quite fun. You get to make faces and chat it up with your co-workers as you gather them. You get to dance them down to their spot. All around good. Yesterday I definitely spun a basket into hitting me. Painful. Unexpected. Unexplainable. I don't know how I managed it... I tried to reenact it... how??? Fail.

Lessons

Yesterday... the yesterday that was 5 minutes ago... I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that when you're trying to retaliate in a 'shooting things out of your nose' war - well, you should blow your nose first. Yep... I used someone as a tissue. That is now probably my most embarrassing moment. I share it for your enjoyment.

A Veggietales Birthday

It's a Limabean one ;) I've used all of my words for her already... so I'll share hers instead.

To Kae: "You never painted my tails"
... yes yes toenails, but that would have been interesting.

To Milne: "Check for the tinfoil on top of the roof"
... fridge... I liked that one ;) I think mostly because I automatically thought of those crazy person tinfoil hats to block out brain scanners... bhahaha!

A happy (old fashioned Azusa Street) birthday (a perfecto age one) to her :D

Also... I'm liking that awkwardly saying the word awkward is spreading... it makes me laugh :P

Hallmark Moments.

I was reminded of this one last night. See... I'm a cornball... an emotional sap... it's just a little bit hidden... or maybe it's not at all :P This was quite some time ago. I was watching a tv movie... Hallmark you may presume... you're right. Nieceamine had come home from school about three quarters of the way through. Before abandoning a sinking ship (every Hallmark movie ever), she sat down for a few minutes. Commercial time (yep... commercial... this isn't even about a movie!) - queue up an old, like old old, person... reading to their grandchild. It's for recordable storybooks. Then the narrator says something like "capture their voice before their long journey"... insert me and Nieceamine looking at each other and crying for 20 SECONDS OF NO WORDS - because they're old and they're going to die - then these ones: "to Cleveland". Plain old mean tactics. They were obviously alluding to more, but didn't want to absolutely unhinge people. Crazy Hallmark. You know what though? This is not the first time one of their commercials have bested me. Years and years ago (like a decade - its weird being able to class time as a decade) I was with all my sisters when one such commercial came up in conversation. I decided I could describe the one, because there were many going around - I totally failed - bawled my face off... laughing at their victory the whole time - seriously I couldn't even tell it! I stand by the idea that everyone would cry. It's the one with the old lady who can't really walk - you know... she struggles all the way to the mailbox everyday and is so sad because she gets nothing - then her neighbours family sends her a card and she WALKS ALL THE WAY OVER TO THANK THEM! You'd have to be nuts not to be a wee bit emotional... okay I'm crying now... Hallmark (half yelling at my once again defeat)!!! I'm defending myself quite nicely here, but in truth I cried yesterday because I saw a baby raccoon that was going to die... I may just have to accept Hallmark as a continual victor, instead of only giving them credit for the two instances (which in fairness have been thought over way more than two 'in the moment' viewings). Here's to a day of happy!

In a car with Nieces and Nephews...

Will laugh. It's almost a certainty (I'm really big on humorous oxymorons right now... I hope it's a phase). Here it is... it can't even be improved by extra words.

Mister Giggles:
"Hey! I can read Chinese letters!"
.... time passes....
"Bonjour"

Sunshine:
"It says Martial Arts!"

Oh to be a youngest... bhahaha... I AM!!!

Sunshine vs Her Auntie's Pasta

So last night I made some jerked chicken pasta. It was somewhat spicy. Most people avoid being around even the assembly of such a dish. It's referred to as 'Kamikaze Pasta'. Only Mr. Si can handle the heat. Nenners has never even tried it. This morning Sunshine asked Nenn if she could have pasta in her lunch. Nenn thought she meant the homemade Mac and Cheese that sat next to it. The poor kid. I don't even know how she packed it without her eyes watering. I've been told yelling for juice boxes and any form of relief occurred during lunch time. That was not a happy or a filling lunch for her (though she was well-cared for by friends and teachers), but it is a hilarious story to share about a non-spicy eater and an all around good sport ;) So - these words are for that brave one - towards tomorrows lunch being infinitely more satisfying for Sunshine!!!

Cash 1.

The frontline of the Nofreehomeless store. The busy zone. The 'you can't step outside of the cash box' place. The cash that I dislike second most (12... 12's the worst... grumpy line waiters... plus, us cashiers get into some serious trouble if we take more than about 12 items... then there's so much paging...etc). Compared to 12, 1's a dream. I don't really mind it. Earlier this week I had a short shift on it. I was in a good mood, which means that everyone going through my cash was forcibly brought to that place. This older couple went through... they are now among my favourite customers. I wasn't directly in front of my cash, so the gentleman said 'who's on first?'... hilarious... I immediately went into the Abbott and Costello bit... sometimes I just love customers...

Cashier Tales: Potential Death by GRAPE

... okay... that may have been a little bit dramatic :P I did almost wipe out though... see it all started with a abandoned order... Purple Caped/Cloaked Jamboree's (now officially fully named because of a misheard 'Jan Brady' reference) order. I'm going to shorten it to Jamby for right now... see Jamby thought she threw said grape in my trash. It must have rebounded off. I was just bugging her... this makes me question the validity of this 'accident'... when I stepped out of the cashier trap and right onto it. It was the biggest grape ever. I went all over the place sliding and such. I looked like a Weeble('s wobble but they don't fall down :P In your head now?). I could have fallen into many many many metal pointy things which would have led to a concrete floor smash down :0 I stayed up though :D I was really proud of myself! But then - again quite obviously dramatically - I just kept picturing my tombstone... 'death by grape'... I was laugh-crying for at least 15 minutes... customers thought I was nuts... I don't blame them for that. Also got into my usual too loud and too quiet trouble... grrrrr... apparently I exist without a middle ground. And had a verbal Facebook war... because I don't have Facebook... I got some customers to back me up ;) Shift over.

I just.

Got recruited. Into. A. Super. Secret. Spy. Crew. As such - I can give no more information. Except that. It. Was. A. Ridiculously. Cute. Invite. Aren't. All. These. Pauses. Dramatic?

Cashiers Tales: The almost fall

Okay - so I may be a little clumsy. The other day I had a good shift. I entertained and was entertained greatly by my fellow cashiers. At the end of it I brought my drawer up to my Christmas Supe. I knocked on the door. Knowing that they were on the phone I decided to distract myself during the wait... by spinning my roll of stickers on top of my drawer. The door opened. I startled. Then because of that the stickers started flying off the drawer. My first response was to save the stickers at all costs. So I almost threw the drawer. At the Christmas Supe. Then I almost fell. I was laughing the entire time - mostly because I was trapped in this first response cycle. Hilarious. We laughed for like 10 minutes. Then I laughed all the way home - that most have looked like the most awkward crazy walk home ever.

Text Errors

I didn't read a text fully. I was lazy. Me and Mr. Si were picking up groceries for Nenners - she was last minute texting additions. I was once again not reading them fully. I read onion, I read lemon, and I read celery. I succeeded in those things. Then - while purchasing the items, I read too quickly and not enough...

 I read 'boy' and 'akkkkkk' - that's it. I put that together as 'bok choy'. I bought unnecessary bok choy... actually... I made Mr. Si run and buy unnecessary bok choy. I'm still laughing.

Birthday of the...

Toothbrush variety!!! That beautiful and just ultimately hilarious girl is 17!!! This is a person who's just awesome - I mean - I've hugged her and fallen onto concrete before - that's just funny. Another time she was in a break into my room phase - for an easily startled person that's just heart rate dangerous - and we were in an epic battle for ground. I forgot about the patio door. It got too silent outside... then I remembered... I ran for it... we got there at the same time... I tried to close it - my favourite part is that we were both screaming at the time. I like that. I let her in right after, but I'm ridiculously competitive - I just needed to win first. She may weirdly know that best because of such instances. Either way - she's a for all time, 9 years running, favourite of mine. Sweet, smart, beautiful, full of heart, whip smart, and hilarious... so hilarious... epic amounts of hilarity reside in her. She's a keeper! I love her muchly. That's a good age too - 17 - she's going to rock it ;D

Observational Fails

Since we're in Ottawa for my sister's wedding some stories ate coming up. I can't wait to share and listen to ones about this soon to be married couple! For right now though, I've just been hearing about and experiencing some of my non-observationally driven stories.

See - last time we were in Ottawa my parents weren't here at the start. We went to the condo on the day that they were surprise flying in for my sisters shower. They'd had some painting done. I noticed nothing... well the colour a little as we settled in. I'd been there for awhile... no small amount of time. They called and asked me how everything looked and how much work needed to be done - the 'clean up' they said. I responded quite simply... saying that everything was in perfect order - Nenners was trying to stop me - gesturing emphatically and the like... nothing was in order at all. I'd walked by the piles of items and the pushed-to the-center of the room furniture many many times. No noticing. Everyone got a good laugh out of it though ;)

Another time also involves furniture - my mom got new chairs for the living room years ago. She didn't tell me. She had mentioned them, but I didn't know they'd been delivered. I think she was just waiting for me. It took days... maybe even a week... she was shocked... I don't know how they're not all used to this yet - it's been my whole life - either I'm hyper-observant or not at all.

When they downsized, my parents dropped off all of the junk from the house for me. There was a horribly embarrassing drawing of me that had been in the spare room... from when I was 16 and in Paris with them. Why on earth would I want that??? Hilarious. Anyways... Nenners had been there for that drop off - I hadn't. I went into my room and was quite startled by it. I carried it upstairs in shock. I needed to use it as a prop in my 'this is embarrassing and something I would never want' speech. I had to laugh. Anyways, at some point I put it down. I promptly forgot about it. I got back from work one day and grabbed a glass of water. I was zonked so I just sat in the nearest chair - I don't normally do that. Then I looked up - Waywin had put the 'portrait' up above the computer. If I hadn't sat there, I don't know how long it would have taken me. Thank you thirst ;)

Today I was drawing (quite horribly) on my parents iPad. It was positioned so that I was looking up towards the door - but I wasn't looking up at all. I was laying down on the floor playing, when all of a sudden something grazed my sole! I jumped a foot (hehehe... puny) - Nenners and her berks were the culprit. She thought I'd been looking right at her. Not the case. I can feel it even now - like an hour later. Writing about it made me shudder. Off to get over it... maybe I should learn to be more observant. Nah :P

Parental Wifi Issues

See... my parental units are technologically challenged. I've gotten international calls asking for help. The best thing is that I'm not really technologically savvy myself - I'm just not as scared. So, my parents moved quite awhile ago - they got a new router when they did. They lost the password. Completely understandable. It's written down somewhere - but they didn't tell the new one to me... Mr. Si was with them at the time... remembers them mentioning emailing it to me... they forgot to do that too. I had to reset the whole thing. I called the system Condo_Coolies... Hehehe... then I set an absolutely awesome song as their password. Wrote it down everywhere... also logged it into every tech system in the house :) I should think of another tech prank... an unfixable one. I've already embarrassed the wifi name today. Plus in the past I've changed ringtones on their cell phones, customized their ring in florida, took random pictures that come up when regular people call, re-named their channel guides, and maybe some more random things too :P This way I get paid for my tech support by my own laughter... it works.

Cashier Tales: Of the Concrete Variety

So I was being a crazy person at work today. Once again they put me next to an awesome co-worker of a split superhero/villain nature (her choice not mine - anyone who refers to multiple coats as capes obviously has unique issues). Hilarity ensued. Later on I was bringing through a customer who's total was crazy high - I didn't notice it - they most definitely did. Couldn't figure out where I went wrong - I usually check the produce codes as I put them in. Then I was undone by a great and unexpected source. The bags... the PC points that we have to enter... I never check them because no code is close to it. 53398. It went in as 5398. It went in twice. It went in at 49.99!!! Each!!! As a concrete boot! Why do we have concrete boots in the system? A customer answered that question. It involved mob ties. Day over (say such things dramatically in a mob-ish manner... figure out what that is first... I can't help you with that).

Nursery Mishaps

Since I'm in nursery at Church tonight I finally remembered to write this one down! I was in there awhile ago with none of my 'usuals' collection of people - that always throws me off. I was talking about ways to make a particular kid stop crying. So I'm gesturing to these hanging paper flowers saying 'if you hit them on the head with a paper flower they'll stop'... because they will - you seriously just have to walk them under and you're set. It was one of those pin drop moments - I mean I can be loud (really really loud), but I was being quiet at the time. Everyone heard me, but no one heard the whole paper flower part. Selective hearing? Ridiculously awkward silence. Don't worry - I'm back to my old nursery crowd today... I'll strike fear in 'em, but no more than the usual amount. Off to work for now... to hopefully have a day that goes crazy fast because it's been so boring there! Actually - it has to be awesome because I've lined up a person to leap past the window and that's always fun. Nofreehomeless here I come.

Mister Giggles

Well - its well past official. Mister Giggles is now a whole decade old!!! 10!!! Crazy! I can't believe that my youngest Lewis nephew is 10. Double digits. 3 years exactly from being a teenager! I'm going to stop thinking that way now. Have to. He's still smallish - he'll always be a 'little' to me - that's just how I think of Sunshine and Mister Giggles... they're the babies - same as I am in my family ;) Anyways - because it's his birthday I may have been making faces at him in Church tonight. That happens okay... had to. After I winked at him at the front he ran up to me and pulled a cinnamon heart out of his pocket and offered me one. Now - cinnamon hearts are pretty much my favourites (along with rockets) - but only if they're the real kind (semi chewy on the inside). Still this was a pocket candy. A scary candy. That belonged to a boy, my nephew, but still full of dirt. A pocket full of sketch. A birthday boy who was sharing. The birthday part got me - I had to set aside my somewhat germaphobic tendencies 1 but I ate it. The first layer was difficult - very difficult - he kept looking back at me just when my expression started to go from smile to fear - I held it together until that layer disappeared. Then, I was able to enjoy my sweet birthday nephew's candy and smile with my own. Happy birthday, Mister Giggles! I love you muchly.

Eclectic

This post's a mix of my day. Got up. Headed to work. Found out it was going to be clumsy day... did so as I jumped out of the car and closed the door on my leg... almost twice. That takes skill... of what kind I know not. A fellow cashier also afeared me with a cart almost hitting me at one point - I was also belly laughed at - literal hand on the belly... that made me laugh... so contagious. Called crazy numerous times, which is actually normal (Bhahahaha). Paging errors - there were many many paging errors. I get in trouble for how I page almost daily... mostly because I'm too quiet and my words run together. Either way - today's failures were key. I was on cash 2 - most people that called me back called cash 3. I know I said 2 - I confirmed it with my customers after several inquiries. One time, I paged 'grocery' and 'produce' called - I tried to tell the produce guy I said grocery, but he didn't believe me... I then doubted myself and re-paged... know what happened then? When I picked up the phone (on the right line, at least) - the grocery guy called me impatient - again, tried to explain... this time it turned into stuttering... I gave up. Later on - scared a kid with a threat of a hug (they looked sick) - they got up and silent walked away. I had to not laugh at Church - that's difficult sometimes! There were some other funny moments too, with the fam... especially of the wrong age/grade variety... hehehe. Also - Sunshine asked me if I just randomly wear my neon work clothes for no reason - I was eating dinner right after work - I don't often reach for my cashier gear, but I have worn the sweater before - comfy - not out out though :P Day done... well... after a little false reality watching of 'The Truman Show'!

Laundry Confessions

If you know me at all, or maybe even a little, or have just read enough of these embarrassing confessions, or I have nothing else I just wanted to bother you with a never-ending sentence, or... sucker. Okay - focusing on laundry... wait re-focusing on the general specifics of what you know... adding facts... then you know that I'm both hyper-observant and non-observant, mostly (and confusedly) at the same time. This story is an example of that and it has never been shared before. EVER. See, my parentals old abode never really changed... not in the little things... so my laundry routine was set... like in stone. The laundry detergent, fabric softener, weird dryer sheets, EVERYTHING in the same place. It was perfection (except for outside of the laundry room, because things like keys were always moved... and, even when they weren't, you expected them to be - those are some serious mind blowing skills). Anyways... I never had to think about anything. So... I didn't. I should have. See... my mom ran out of room in the storage thing... so she moved a huge Costco purchase up to the designated laundry shelf... it wasn't laundry related... but it did have a laundry-like picture... and size... I took it as fabric softener. It was Febreze. Can you imagine how bad that must have been on my clothes? I used it for months!!! Maybe more than months! I'm surprised my clothes didn't fall to pieces! Crazy person am I! Story shared it is.